Saturday, April 12, 2003
and i saw the raindrops smiling
hees. im a joyful girl. -grinns wide wide- i love being at nexus on saturdays. never fails to refresh me. esp today's v and p as well as clm. just plainly his word and HIS word. whoah. amazes me all the time. today was just so far great. smelt freedom in the air. ahahas. am so joy-filled i can't settle down to describe my day. just. joyous. joyous. joyous. -grinns-
my goal in life: to serve, serve and serve Him til i cannot backslide anymore. :)
im dead convicted.
][jukebox][ clay aiken - something new
][feeling][ so anointed. =D
check this out!!! ahahs! i love the first pic. -grinns- ladidums. that's what i took on that night me and my sis stayed up the whole night and went to catch the sunrise on our rollerblades. sorry val. -smirkks-
anyone who thinks sunshine is happiness,
has not danced in the rain
cuddy is a naughty girl!
she just jumped onto the dining table and gobbled up my pancake. -frowns- naughty naughty! i had to shoo her off by attracting her to her pedigree biscuits. bahh. sucha a fat and lazy and greedy dog. but my lil furrie girl is just so cuddly!!! she's cuddy after all. -grinns- my cuddy. -pats her head- and she's wagging her tail away. swoosh! =D
][jukebox][ because you loved me
][feeling][ amused by a lil pet.
=)
how i wished,
like a doll,
i'll spark.
and they'll say,
"look at her,
look at her,
look at her!"
and for once,
i'll be proud of
what i am,
who i am,
how i am.
and not hide
in the hazy shadows
in silence,
in secret.
perhaps, perhaps.
i might have the guts.
fire a gun,
and shoot at the mirror.
itll smash
and grin no mockery
for once,
it's broken pieces
shall reflect
a doll
poised pretty dirt
sit and stare
stare and sit
pretty.
beautiful.
charming.
pretend pretend
bahh!!! -cries- i just spilt my one and only apple flavored green lil bottle of yakult! -cries- now im left with a quarter of it! -sulkks- klutzy me. i want my yakult!!!
fly away my little angel.
jac's... gone. yea. gone. sighs i miss her really bad now. it's barely been a few hours. gonna miss you my dear cous. missing you for screaming at me to hurry out of the house cos you are always late. missing you for screwing me up big time by your out of no where boos! missing you for laughing with me down the shopping malls, all the time. missing you for pushing me off the bed everytime i bunk over at yer room. sighs. there's so much i can miss you for. oh wells. im just missing you for you. gotta live by myself for eleven days! my my. that's friggin longggggggg. and i really hope i didnt miss out any stuff of yers while packing yer baggage. and dear girl, your bible is right at the bottom of yer haversack. your law notes are in a brown envolope in that pocket with a zip right underneath your coats. stuffed the lip balm you refuse to bring in the toiletries bag. -sticks tongue out- you'll love me for smuggling that in. the happy socks i gave you are together with your court shoes in that shoe case. four pairs in all. a stripped blue and yellow. a pink with butterfly prints. a lime green one. one with shades of orange. yepps. four in all. now. beware of the chill in vienna and have fun in the snow. most importantly, miss me.
][jukebox][ clay aiken! - i know how the river feels
][feeling][
to the moon. and back.
pherd. yeps. im really relieved you asked. i dont think i'll ever be able to tell you that. but i know i'll be strong and independent. higher expectation=more hope. rights? -smiless- guess im sorry for not telling you early. but thank you for listening and understanding and not scolding. =/ wells, i know youre gonna read this. so... nah. this is for you. -huggs- and all is well again. -grinns-
][jukebox][ clay aiken! [-swoons-] - suger pie hunny bunch :)
][feeling][ chilled.
it's raining outdoors. i can hear the thunder crackling over the buzzing of the fans and the clicking of keyboards as we scurry to finish our communications outlines. if i listen closely, i'm sure i could hear the pitter patter of drops landing on the grass. one of the most relaxing, engaging sounds in the world. at the same time it let us know that we are just tiny existences among the billions in the world, but also that we are not alone. it humbles us and consoles us in one foul swoop.
this is a good time for a rainstorm. as we are bombarded with bad news at home and abraod, as war looms near and stresses accumulate, the rain brings such a comforting truth: mother nature will always take care of herself and of us. such a novel idea, romantic and idealistic at the same time. mother nature will always take care of us, nourishing not only our bodies, but our souls and spirits as well.
i am unfortunately cooped up indoors during this downpour of hope and innocence. right now, there is nothing i want more than to lay in the grass alone. the drops, large and small dancing on my face, the aura of calm enveloping my body, holding me with a gentle reminder that everything will be okay.
it's something i often need to be reminded of.
i hurt whilst seeing their fake smiles
strapped in and locked shut in a box encrusted with all that shimmers, i peek out through the tiny hole which provides the little air i breathe. and those who do nothing but watch from the outside are convinced that my scope is narrow and therefore i am blinded by solitude and dreams. but they fail to see that i am not participating in their petty games or false illusions, and what i am able to see is far more than they will ever be able to.
in this box where i am safe, everything real remains the same. i am still able to watch the stars twinkle as they wish me goodnight, i can still hear the winds blow and the raindrops falling upon surfaces of ground and windows. i can still smell the scents of morning and night, i can still feel the warmth of love on my skin. it all remains the same. unlike the others. those who are fake. those whom i used to resemble.
and maybe to some, the life i lead is sad and alone, with only one hand which will always be there. but i beg to differ. i believe the life i lead is the best that can ever be for me, and that's what matters. i no longer find consolation in smiling to mask tears, nor holding back profanity to hide my anger.
but i am not sorry, nor do i regret choosing to live my life this way. at least i know all those whom i invite into this box i live in are people whom my heart reaches out to with open arms. at least they set me free.
i have escaped from the open world i used to live in, and used to believe i thrived in. but how can i thrive in a world which i can't even call my own? it is not anyone's fault, i am just unable to co-habitat with them, i belong to somewhere else, far away, and maybe, just maybe...not so far out of reach.
its just lots of everything poured into one
all we can do is sit and ask what would you do if the sky fell down?
and smiles dont really get you anywhere
because i can see it in your eyes,
when it leads right through to your insides
you dont care where anywhere is,
because anywhere is where you pretend not to be
keep telling me we'll be alright with violins and happy endings
but no, im not naive enough to look through fake delight
making everything a little lost with disregarded sendings.
i feel hate boiling deep within
when i see you staring right back at me
in the mirror
two faced. yucks. i promise im never gonna blog what i do not feel and not force myself to blog all cheery stuff when im not happy. dont decide for me what im to say or not. im human too. not your yaya all happy girl. ive feelings. ive felt pain. ive suffered. ive, had enough. and dont pretend that you care when you dont. youve never known me, at all, right from the start. have you?
][jukebox][
][feeling][ screwed.
your promise?
my dream come true =)
shaun's concert was -thumbs up- great. his item and the one before that was the best. at least i heard a proper melody. hahas. anyhows, it was a great night out with timothy, samuel, jonathan and debbie. havent seen timothy for a real long time. but oh wells he and sam have really grown. tall guys now huh. hahas. and so much more gentlemanly. it's weird how the guy who opens the door for you was actually the one sitting beside you in primary one creating helluva noise. hahas. but according to debbie, timothy is still the loudest guy in class. that pair of cousins still argue the same way. the way timothy bickered with me was still the same as how he did in primary school. samuel is still the same ol mel and slow samuel. oh wells. some things never change huh. and after catching up with shaun, we headed to cartel for dinner and samuel lead in saying grace. hahas. all of us are from different churches though, besides the cousins. theyre actually quite fun people to get along with after so many years. really miss primary school days. saw carol joce and alaric. silly them. they forgot bout me. but surprisingly, i didnt snap at alaric when i saw him. in fact i said hi. ooh. something's got into me mens. oh wells. it's been a long night. and toe! thanks. =) pretty enlightened. funny how it came from you and not someone else. -huggs- thanks dear.
][jukebox][ clay aiken - i know how the river feels
][feeling][ all messed up up in the mind.
perhaps, youre right
but im the disappointing one. i know i havent been a good shepherd to you. or the other two. i just dont know how to put my feelings into words. and put them right. the words just refuse to come out. and im stuck. not knowing where to start. and i guess this is the first time. but whether or not, im sorry.
][jukebox][
][feeling][
hees. im a joyful girl. -grinns wide wide- i love being at nexus on saturdays. never fails to refresh me. esp today's v and p as well as clm. just plainly his word and HIS word. whoah. amazes me all the time. today was just so far great. smelt freedom in the air. ahahas. am so joy-filled i can't settle down to describe my day. just. joyous. joyous. joyous. -grinns-
my goal in life: to serve, serve and serve Him til i cannot backslide anymore. :)
][jukebox][ clay aiken - something new
][feeling][ so anointed. =D
bitinn` awayy at 10:38 AM
Friday, April 11, 2003check this out!!! ahahs! i love the first pic. -grinns- ladidums. that's what i took on that night me and my sis stayed up the whole night and went to catch the sunrise on our rollerblades. sorry val. -smirkks-
bitinn` awayy at 10:07 AM
anyone who thinks sunshine is happiness,
has not danced in the rain
bitinn` awayy at 8:55 AM
she just jumped onto the dining table and gobbled up my pancake. -frowns- naughty naughty! i had to shoo her off by attracting her to her pedigree biscuits. bahh. sucha a fat and lazy and greedy dog. but my lil furrie girl is just so cuddly!!! she's cuddy after all. -grinns- my cuddy. -pats her head- and she's wagging her tail away. swoosh! =D
][jukebox][ because you loved me
][feeling][ amused by a lil pet.
bitinn` awayy at 5:06 AM
Thursday, April 10, 2003only god knows what i'm trying to say. he shows me the way to his leading heart and that things happen for a reason. whether you cry or laugh, he solves all your problems. he leaves you with a smile on your face and his love to trace, he plays his part, and that's why i'm thankful for the shape of my heart.
-whispers :: thank you-
bitinn` awayy at 4:25 PM
how i wished,
like a doll,
i'll spark.
and they'll say,
"look at her,
look at her,
look at her!"
and for once,
i'll be proud of
what i am,
who i am,
how i am.
and not hide
in the hazy shadows
in silence,
in secret.
perhaps, perhaps.
i might have the guts.
fire a gun,
and shoot at the mirror.
itll smash
and grin no mockery
for once,
it's broken pieces
shall reflect
a doll
poised pretty dirt
sit and stare
stare and sit
pretty.
beautiful.
charming.
pretend pretend
bitinn` awayy at 2:15 PM
Wednesday, April 09, 2003bahh!!! -cries- i just spilt my one and only apple flavored green lil bottle of yakult! -cries- now im left with a quarter of it! -sulkks- klutzy me. i want my yakult!!!
bitinn` awayy at 9:39 AM
jac's... gone. yea. gone. sighs i miss her really bad now. it's barely been a few hours. gonna miss you my dear cous. missing you for screaming at me to hurry out of the house cos you are always late. missing you for screwing me up big time by your out of no where boos! missing you for laughing with me down the shopping malls, all the time. missing you for pushing me off the bed everytime i bunk over at yer room. sighs. there's so much i can miss you for. oh wells. im just missing you for you. gotta live by myself for eleven days! my my. that's friggin longggggggg. and i really hope i didnt miss out any stuff of yers while packing yer baggage. and dear girl, your bible is right at the bottom of yer haversack. your law notes are in a brown envolope in that pocket with a zip right underneath your coats. stuffed the lip balm you refuse to bring in the toiletries bag. -sticks tongue out- you'll love me for smuggling that in. the happy socks i gave you are together with your court shoes in that shoe case. four pairs in all. a stripped blue and yellow. a pink with butterfly prints. a lime green one. one with shades of orange. yepps. four in all. now. beware of the chill in vienna and have fun in the snow. most importantly, miss me.
][jukebox][ clay aiken! - i know how the river feels
][feeling][
bitinn` awayy at 7:34 AM
Tuesday, April 08, 2003pherd. yeps. im really relieved you asked. i dont think i'll ever be able to tell you that. but i know i'll be strong and independent. higher expectation=more hope. rights? -smiless- guess im sorry for not telling you early. but thank you for listening and understanding and not scolding. =/ wells, i know youre gonna read this. so... nah. this is for you. -huggs- and all is well again. -grinns-
][jukebox][ clay aiken! [-swoons-] - suger pie hunny bunch :)
][feeling][ chilled.
bitinn` awayy at 11:13 AM
it's raining outdoors. i can hear the thunder crackling over the buzzing of the fans and the clicking of keyboards as we scurry to finish our communications outlines. if i listen closely, i'm sure i could hear the pitter patter of drops landing on the grass. one of the most relaxing, engaging sounds in the world. at the same time it let us know that we are just tiny existences among the billions in the world, but also that we are not alone. it humbles us and consoles us in one foul swoop.
this is a good time for a rainstorm. as we are bombarded with bad news at home and abraod, as war looms near and stresses accumulate, the rain brings such a comforting truth: mother nature will always take care of herself and of us. such a novel idea, romantic and idealistic at the same time. mother nature will always take care of us, nourishing not only our bodies, but our souls and spirits as well.
i am unfortunately cooped up indoors during this downpour of hope and innocence. right now, there is nothing i want more than to lay in the grass alone. the drops, large and small dancing on my face, the aura of calm enveloping my body, holding me with a gentle reminder that everything will be okay.
it's something i often need to be reminded of.
bitinn` awayy at 1:15 AM
strapped in and locked shut in a box encrusted with all that shimmers, i peek out through the tiny hole which provides the little air i breathe. and those who do nothing but watch from the outside are convinced that my scope is narrow and therefore i am blinded by solitude and dreams. but they fail to see that i am not participating in their petty games or false illusions, and what i am able to see is far more than they will ever be able to.
in this box where i am safe, everything real remains the same. i am still able to watch the stars twinkle as they wish me goodnight, i can still hear the winds blow and the raindrops falling upon surfaces of ground and windows. i can still smell the scents of morning and night, i can still feel the warmth of love on my skin. it all remains the same. unlike the others. those who are fake. those whom i used to resemble.
and maybe to some, the life i lead is sad and alone, with only one hand which will always be there. but i beg to differ. i believe the life i lead is the best that can ever be for me, and that's what matters. i no longer find consolation in smiling to mask tears, nor holding back profanity to hide my anger.
but i am not sorry, nor do i regret choosing to live my life this way. at least i know all those whom i invite into this box i live in are people whom my heart reaches out to with open arms. at least they set me free.
i have escaped from the open world i used to live in, and used to believe i thrived in. but how can i thrive in a world which i can't even call my own? it is not anyone's fault, i am just unable to co-habitat with them, i belong to somewhere else, far away, and maybe, just maybe...not so far out of reach.
bitinn` awayy at 1:01 AM
its just lots of everything poured into one
all we can do is sit and ask what would you do if the sky fell down?
and smiles dont really get you anywhere
because i can see it in your eyes,
when it leads right through to your insides
you dont care where anywhere is,
because anywhere is where you pretend not to be
keep telling me we'll be alright with violins and happy endings
but no, im not naive enough to look through fake delight
making everything a little lost with disregarded sendings.
bitinn` awayy at 12:49 AM
Monday, April 07, 2003when i see you staring right back at me
in the mirror
two faced. yucks. i promise im never gonna blog what i do not feel and not force myself to blog all cheery stuff when im not happy. dont decide for me what im to say or not. im human too. not your yaya all happy girl. ive feelings. ive felt pain. ive suffered. ive, had enough. and dont pretend that you care when you dont. youve never known me, at all, right from the start. have you?
][jukebox][
][feeling][ screwed.
bitinn` awayy at 9:51 AM
Sunday, April 06, 2003my dream come true =)
shaun's concert was -thumbs up- great. his item and the one before that was the best. at least i heard a proper melody. hahas. anyhows, it was a great night out with timothy, samuel, jonathan and debbie. havent seen timothy for a real long time. but oh wells he and sam have really grown. tall guys now huh. hahas. and so much more gentlemanly. it's weird how the guy who opens the door for you was actually the one sitting beside you in primary one creating helluva noise. hahas. but according to debbie, timothy is still the loudest guy in class. that pair of cousins still argue the same way. the way timothy bickered with me was still the same as how he did in primary school. samuel is still the same ol mel and slow samuel. oh wells. some things never change huh. and after catching up with shaun, we headed to cartel for dinner and samuel lead in saying grace. hahas. all of us are from different churches though, besides the cousins. theyre actually quite fun people to get along with after so many years. really miss primary school days. saw carol joce and alaric. silly them. they forgot bout me. but surprisingly, i didnt snap at alaric when i saw him. in fact i said hi. ooh. something's got into me mens. oh wells. it's been a long night. and toe! thanks. =) pretty enlightened. funny how it came from you and not someone else. -huggs- thanks dear.
][jukebox][ clay aiken - i know how the river feels
][feeling][ all messed up up in the mind.
bitinn` awayy at 11:51 AM
but im the disappointing one. i know i havent been a good shepherd to you. or the other two. i just dont know how to put my feelings into words. and put them right. the words just refuse to come out. and im stuck. not knowing where to start. and i guess this is the first time. but whether or not, im sorry.
][jukebox][
][feeling][
bitinn` awayy at 12:23 AM
```unravel.
a slow burning ecstasy//guitar and the day moon//petrol stations on the road//with no destination//you loved me in august//but you dont see me//so much more beautiful in april
```his child.
ron. 170387// icq.#74777649// yhoppie// deco ministry// neb3// jessie's.sheep// stnix// 4dee// sngg//
turnons. Him// red.black// two// tea// spag// piano// clavinova// EL-87// guitar// drummers// strawberry// peach// apple// tomato// chilli//
turnoffs. creepy crawlees// school// unoriginals// noise// imood.
```lookingood.
blacknwhite.
mvpcg.
170303.
fourdiligence.
cl huddle.
ex.neb8.
ex.clique.
bbq.130902.
siloso.300802.
pei.ron.yang.
ed.joe.ron.ser.
130503
140503
```lookingback.
splendiferus.
phagocytosis.
insync.
a slow burning ecstasy//guitar and the day moon//petrol stations on the road//with no destination//you loved me in august//but you dont see me//so much more beautiful in april
```his child.
ron. 170387// icq.#74777649// yhoppie// deco ministry// neb3// jessie's.sheep// stnix// 4dee// sngg//
turnons. Him// red.black// two// tea// spag// piano// clavinova// EL-87// guitar// drummers// strawberry// peach// apple// tomato// chilli//
turnoffs. creepy crawlees// school// unoriginals// noise// imood.
```lookingood.
blacknwhite.
mvpcg.
170303.
fourdiligence.
cl huddle.
ex.neb8.
ex.clique.
bbq.130902.
siloso.300802.
pei.ron.yang.
ed.joe.ron.ser.
130503
140503
```lookingback.
splendiferus.
phagocytosis.
insync.